A new year

So here it is, another year... 2009. And what kind of a year would it be if I didn't get dumped by Brian. Yup that's right, so far he's dumped me in 2007, 2008 and now 2009. Yipee! Kind of pathetic, trust me I know that. I feel like a glutton for punishment and that I really don't deserve any sympathy since this has happened so many times. I wish I could promise everyone and myself that this is the last time, I really do. But who knows if I can keep that promise... Brian means the world to me. He's my best friend, the person who makes me the happiest (and unfortunately the saddest). I don't know why I feel so strongly for him... Maybe it's God helping me to make it through all the rough times with him... Or maybe I'm just retarded and can't shake off the old feelings of love. Only time will tell which one it is. Most of you I'm sure are hoping that I'm just retarded and will finally let it go. I'm not sure what I want it to be, well actually I know what I wish it would be, but I feel like that wish is fading. So anyways, I'm sure many of you want to know how I'm holding up. I'm handling this much better than I expected, partly because I am still some times in denial. When I leave the happy land of denial I do get super depressed but I guess that's normal. I know I will make it through this just fine. I'm definitely gonna need support from all of you and from the big guy I'm heaven but I'll be ok. :-) after all what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

Ps. As is customery after all my breakups, I have changed my hair. I'm now slighly brunette, which should fade to dark blonde, but hey it is still different! Course it actually happened right before the break up, but meh, that doesn't really matter. :-)